Thread: Merry Christmas

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  1. #1 Merry Christmas 
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas?

    He was hooked on trees his whole life.


    Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?

    Because he had very low elf esteem.


    What does the Grinch do with a baseball bat?

    Hits a gnome and runs.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  2. #2  
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    What do you call a broke Santa Claus?

    Saint-nickel-less.


    What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?

    A rebel without a Claus.


    Why did Frosty ask for a divorce?

    His wife was a total flake.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  3. #3  
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    Why does Scrooge love reindeer so much?

    Because every single buck is dear to him!


    What do you get when you cross a duck with Santa?

    A Christmas quacker.


    What’s Santa’s favorite snack food?

    Crisp Pringles
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  4. #4  
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    Why do mummies like Christmas so much?

    They’re into all the wrapping.


    How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?

    Nothing. It was on the house!


    How do you help someone who’s lost their Christmas spirit?

    Nurse them back to elf.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  5. #5  
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    What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs?

    Anything you want. He can’t hear you!


    What nationality is Santa Claus?

    North Polish.


    What do you call a blind reindeer?

    I have no eye deer.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  6. #6  
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    What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?

    Rude-olph.


    How is Christmas exactly like your job?

    You do all the work and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit.


    What’s every elf’s favorite type of music?

    Wrap.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  7. #7  
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    What do you call a scary looking reindeer?

    A cariboo.


    What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?

    Frostbite.


    What’s the absolute best Christmas present?

    A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  8. #8  
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    What do reindeers say before they tell you a joke?

    This one’s gonna sleigh you!


    What do you call Santa’s little helpers?

    Subordinate clauses.


    What did Adam say to his wife on Christmas?

    It’s finally Christmas, Eve!
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  9. #9  
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    What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?

    The Christmas alphabet has No-el.


    How do you know when Santa’s around?

    You can always sense his presents.


    What do you call an elf that can sing and dance?

    Elfis.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  10. #10  
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    Where does santa keep all his money?

    At the local snow bank.


    Why did the Grinch go to the liquor store?

    He was searching for some holiday spirit.


    Why don’t crabs celebrate Christmas?

    Because they’re shell-fish.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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